joke page !!

come on everyone tell us all your jokes

when should a mouse carry an umbrella ?
when its raining cats and dogs hahaha


man..doctor doctor theres a punnet of strawberries stuck up my bum.
doc.. thats lucky i have some cream for that . hahahah

strawberries and cream?? groan.....but I did laugh lol

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said,"Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

............how do you get a elephant in the fridge ....... ... you open the door and put it in

............how do you get a elephant in the fridge ....... ... you open the door and put it in

black women all over the world are shaving their pubic hair in support of OBAMA'S election result.their message 2 the world .

READ OUR LIPS NO MORE BUSH

2 women talking .

do u look at your husbands face when you make love ?

i did once and saw anger on his face . anger ??yes , ........ he was watching thru the window

The Obama economy is so bad...that the Grey Poupon guy has switched to French's.

The Obama economy is so bad...that the President is changing his slogan to "Hope and Spare Change!"

The Obama economy is so bad...that Kenya now claims he wasn't born there.

The Obama economy is so bad...that Al Gore is selling carbon credits on late night television.

i was driving down the motorway with my girlfriend the other day!! and she piped up, i think those people in the car next to us are from another country. why is that i said? well the kids are writing on the window!!!! and it say. . . . STIT REY SU WOHS

HAHAHA

what happens when u mix a lawnmore with a bird!!!!!
u get shredded tweet
hahaha

a little old man totters into chemist for some viagra. i need them cut in quarters he says. the chemist replys.. a quarter tablet will not give u a full erection. the old man says... im 96 and dont have much use for an erection i just want it sticking out far enough to stop me pissing on my slippers!!!!
hahaha

What do you do if you see a spaceman?.........
Park your car in it man.

a joke for john lol x x

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff
whats blue and fluffy? blue fluff? no.. pink fluff holding its breath

OOO jokes

Wahhhayy i got one i got one ere it goes

Why did john cross the road guess guess "!??... too get inside me knickers lmao

LOL @ peaches

in this recession Renault and ford are to make a joint car.....
will be called.... Clitaurus!

elf69 wrote:

in this recession Renault and ford are to make a joint car.....
will be called.... Clitaurus!

*groan* thats almost as bad as my jokes lol

an englishman, a scotsman and an irishman (good start this) get sentenced to life jail terms. as they are taken to the cells, the jailer (who for the purpose of this joke is unreasonably nice) offers them a lifetime supply of any 1 commodity they want.

"i'll have the chocolate" says the english man
"i'll take whiskey!" says the scotsman
"and i'll be having fags" says the irishman


20 years later their case comes up for review and they're granted parole. by this time the englishman is so fat from eating all the chocolate that they have to take the wall down to get him out, they have to carry the scotman out because he's too drunk to walk.

they open the door to the irishman's cell, he's sat there, fag in his mouth and says...

"has anyone got a light?"

LMAO!

The Pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Gordon Brown were enjoying a day together fishing in a little dinghy on a beautiful lake.

They made an early start at dawn and around about eight o'clock in the morning, feeling a little peckish, they decided that somebody ought to go back for their packed breakfasts. The Pope offered to go back to the shore, stepped out of the boat, walked across the water, came back with the breakfasts.
Gordon Brown is sat there looking gobsmacked, wondering how on earth the Pope managed it.

At about midday, the Archbishop volunteered to collect lunch, stepped out of the boat, walked across the water and came back with packed lunches.
This time Gordon Brown almost went into shock. "It's a miracle!" he thinks.

The sultry afternoon wore on and four o'clock approached. Gordon Brown volunteered to go back for tea, and before the other two could stop him, stepped out of the boat and went 'kerplunk' into the water, and sank without a trace.
The Pope nudged the Archbishop:
"Do you suppose we should have told him about those stepping stones?"

What do Tiger Woods and a baby seal have in common?

They've both been clubbed by a Swede.
.
.
.
.
Poor Tiger. Drives well in the fairway but doesn’t fare well in the driveway.

Why is Santa not like Tiger Woods???

Santa stops at 3 ho ho hos!

what do you get when you cross
a pit bull with lassy( the dog) ................... A DOG THAT BITES YOUR LEG OF THEN FETCHES HELP LOLLL