adult jokes

share some adult jokes

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says, "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks "is it a giraffe?"

"Very good Sally," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says, "It's a zebra."

"Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your
mother calls your father."

Little Johnny shouts out, "IS IT A HORNY BASTARD?"

Carlos calls his boss in the morning:

"Ey, boss I no come work today I really sick. I got headache,
stomach ache, my legs hurt, I no work today."

The boss says:

"You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go
to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel
better and I can go to work. You should try that."

2 hours later Carlos calls:

"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And
by the way, you got nice house."

first one was lame 2nd one was fun

just watch anyhing by jeff dunham or watch foamy the squirell that should come under adult lol

keep them up guys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYBEEmZym8o&feature=relmfu
check this out

fun fun fun james

it describes my gym teacher

this one has Pilz-E in it

and 1 about the foamy card cult
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onFw1emIXhQ&NR=1&feature=fvwp
LMFAO

The father was very anxious to marry off his only daughter so he wanted to impress her date. "Do you like to screw?" he asked. "Huh?!" replied the surprised first date. "My daughter, she loves to screw and she's good at it. You and her should go screw," explained the father. Now very interested the boy replied, "Yes, sir!!!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left. After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed, "Dammit, Daddy, it's the TWIST, get it right!"

LMFAO

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to..to..Cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire!"

lol cool

i loved the evil idea in that one

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".

"I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."

A farmer from Texas was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant.

He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs.

The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant by artificial insemination, the farmer decided it must mean he had to impregnate the pigs himself, so he loaded all the pigs in his pickup and drove down to the woods and shagged them all.

The next day he called the vet again, and asked how would he know if the pigs were pregnant. The vet told him that if pregnant they would be lying down rolling in the mud. But when the farmer looked out the window but not even one pig was lying down. So, he loaded them up in his pickup again and drove them to the woods and shagged them all again.

To his dismay, the next morning, they were all standing. So, again he loads the pigs in his truck drives them to the woods and shags them for the third time.

By the next morning the farmer is just beat, so he asks his wife to hop out of bed and look out the window to see what the pigs are doing.

She says, "Hmmm .... that's weird! They are all in the truck and one of them is blowing the horn."


Typical texan

that was so wrong lmfao

ofcourse its wrong, its a texan

what did the lamb say to the welshman?

"hi dad"